1. |
Growing Pains
04:21
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I haven’t been myself lately.
My favorite things are slipping right by me.
My fingernails are long, they’re growing when I’m not.
Am I growing up, or just growing old?
I cut my hair short, hope you don’t mind.
Change is your patchy sweater and I want to wrap up tight.
Just an honest kid, from the Dallas east side, wanting to love again like it’s his very first time.
Am I growing up, or just growing old?
Who are you?
Am I growing up, or just growing old?
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2. |
Forgotten Joy
05:01
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An afterthought, a second wave, my “cherry blossom”, our favorite phrase.
Serendipity struck, we can’t erase the feeling of love in a timeless place.
Belly up, forgotten joy, the memories we used to destroy.
You called my bluff, what a god damn waste.
It’s a feeling of lust in a selfish place.
I am all alone, and this hole is my home.
At my lowest and most self-involved, a canyon with my heart between two walls. Life has no more lessons, no plans at all, just me, here, all alone with my thoughts.
I am all alone, and this hole is my home.
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3. |
Ribbon
04:18
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I fell for you, but I was seeing the best of this through rose-colored glasses. I may be drunk, but the sentiment is genuine. The closest I've felt to love was you kissing me and you meant it.
Lying is so hard, it’s true, unless it's lying in bed with you.
But you cut our ribbon loose, and I don't know what to do.
Lying is so hard, it’s true, unless it's lying with you.
But you let go.
And so I drove alone, gin still in my throat, hoping "If God were real he'd overlook this one”. My heart and his fists were pounding on my ribs, eager to come out and teach my mind a lesson in forgiveness.
Lying is so hard, it’s true, unless it's lying in bed with you.
But you cut our ribbon loose, and I don't know what to do.
Lying is so hard, it’s true, unless it's lying with you.
God, I was shaken in bed, slowly waking up from a dream so fabricated; a feral animal without the right to cry for elation. And so the Lord ripped my poetry out of my hands, said: "you'll have to beg some more before someone understands".
Lying is so hard, it’s true, unless it's lying in bed with you.
But you cut our ribbon loose, and I don't know what to do.
Lying is so fucking hard to do, unless it's lying with...
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4. |
Cavity
03:53
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Stay sweet to me, make me ache like a cavity.
Conditioning, myself now to know that I can't leave, you're inhibiting.
Oh, I need you so. It's the only thing I know, how to take your soul and leave you alone.
You're everything I need even when you're belittling. Understanding our black holes in our hands, they destroy everything.
Oh, I need you so. It's the only thing I know, how to take your soul and leave you alone.
I never wanted anyone else but you, not in the way I was supposed to. We push and we pull. I saw a kaleidoscope in your name. God, if it's pure I swear I'll take it in my veins. I'll lock myself in our apartment building, oh, if it's where we can stay. À la folie, our madness is infinitely sane; and I know that it'd keep us safe, just please don't run away. I won't run away.
Oh, I need you so. It's the only thing I know, how to take your soul and leave you alone.
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5. |
This Is Begging
05:34
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I still gnaw at my cuticles too much, nervous habits bred from adolescent touch, had Jade have stayed I might be a little less anxious and full of a lot more love.
My soul used to swell to twice its size, but then my uncle died, and at his funeral, it was said his life didn't matter unless Jesus was at his side, and that’s a lie.
This is begging.
This is forgiveness.
This is wondering just where the hell have I been?
This is all my joy thrown down.
This is my fear drawn out.
This is me talking to God now.
The Bible never spoke to me like it was supposed to.
Went to youth group just to find someone to get close to.
And I pretended to hear a message in that upscale living room.
Surrounded by strangers who never knew my view.
This is begging.
This is forgiveness.
This is wondering just where the hell have I been?
This is all my joy thrown down.
This is my fear drawn out.
This is me talking to God now.
Am I wrong to feel this alone?
Am I strong enough to earn this body that I’m loaned?
Am I wrong to feel this alone?
Am I wrong?
It's alright.
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6. |
Little Victories
04:11
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You climb up into that attic to prove a point, to touch his bones, while those soft clutches echo off the wood, barely audible.
And my heart breaks, not for the millionth time, not the tenth, just enough to where my skin is tense.
And it hurts.
The floorboards creak and my stomach turns, little victories in a cabin hearse. So stand tall even if in that attic there was barely any room to stand at all.
And it hurts.
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7. |
Twenty-Something
05:12
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So here we are, in the amber of the moment. Some twenty-something stuck in youth stolen. This flickering gloom can't be golden when it's this washed up.
It’s just no use.
I want to be a household name. A year’s worth of writing that takes a decade to explain. I want to take your pain, but I’ll be here if you can’t stay. If I change my method and let the words come first, then better explained would be the guilt and the hurt, and that’s what you deserve.
But I know that it’s just no use.
It’s just no use.
Everyone’s getting married and starting families, and I’m here wondering what the worth of my songs are going to be. Maybe if I wrote more, slept less at night, maybe then there will be something worth remembering me by.
So just rewrite, just rewrite.
It’s just no use.
I can only give you what I have earned because this is love and how it’s returned, and if these growing pains are from my bones breaking, then nothing is forever, and I’ll just keep faking.
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Austin Gordon Dallas, Texas
Singer-songwriter from Dallas, TX.
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